a year of motherhood

a whole year of motherhood and I'm now an expert....I kid I kid:) 

I have so many emotions that go through me as I look back at this best worst year....I tell people when they ask me how I like being a mom- I reply "it's the best worst thing." My life has changed upside down having Dexter but it has brought so much more love to my heart and perspective to my life that it is the best thing.

It was painful and uncomfortable at first but as I healed and got used to things changing all over my body it got better. Before I was a mom I was skinny - I could sleep - I didn't have stretch marks - I could up and go anywhere anytime - my days didn't confine me - my boobs were perky - my nights and mornings were sleep filled - I wasn't so emotional - I didn't feel guilty about working or going away for a weekend - but I wouldn't change anything about this year. Ive learned so much about myself and what I am capable of- don't call myself superwoman by any means but I'm proud of what this year has brought out of me. I never knew what I could really do as a mom - it's been very gratifying 

I learned early on that I should never complain about being a mom or complain about my children- for the simple fact that there are so many amazing women who can't have children or have lost their children and would give up their nights - give up their perfect bodies - their perfect skin - their Everything to be able to hold a child in their arms. I learned early on to live in the moment. Right when things are happening soak it in- be there and enjoy what is happening. 

I've become a sappy mushy emotional human being who has open eyes for all people little and big to know that each one of them has a mom and to see others and the choices they make to know at one time in their life they ate from a mothers breast, they woke up every few hours at night they teethed they pooped they barfed and put their mom through so much....and to see them not be close, or astranged, or upset at their mothers is heartbreaking. We go through so much as mothers and women and general! It's such an amazing honor and blessing to be a mother and I hope I never take it for granted! 

Although Dexter is only a year he has tested my patience, pushed me farther emotionally, mentally and physically then Ever before and yet one cheesy smile from this guy melts my heart and wants me to be a better person, mom and woman. 

It is up to us women to nurture our children and to love them unconditionally. I hope and pray I can raise Dexter to be a gentleman, a good citizen and to be kind to others.

I just want to tell you Dexter that you are funny, you are sweet, you are my first born, you are the only other guy I've truly loved and I'm so honored to be your mom.